Profiles In Manners and Public Displays of Social Graces

Scotty Maloney (Center)

I usually profile icons in history, but this story is too precious to pass up. Jesse Cooper, Drew Gibbs and Zeke Grissom were all nominated for Homecoming King at their high school in Tennessee. They decided that no matter who won, they would bestow the honor to their fellow classmate Scotty Maloney, who has Williams Syndrome, a neurological disorder that affects learning and speech.



"I've been blessed with so many things," Cooper told ABC News' Nashville affiliate WKRN-TV. "I just wanted Scotty to experience something great in his high school days."

"He's always happy, so he deserves some recognition for who he is," Gibbs said.

Scotty (Center) with Jesse Cooper, Drew Gibbs and Zeke Grissom and another classmate.

When Scotty's name was announced at the ceremony, he received a standing ovation as the medal was placed around his neck. This story was a beautiful example of how to treat others. These young men saw this as an opportunity to give to  publicly honor a fellow classmate  and treat him like "one of the guys" .

Scotty's teacher Liz Hestle Gassaway felt this selfless act by these three young men set a wonderful  example that others would be wise to follow. "We want people to have more empathy towards people, not be scared of people with disabilities," she said. "We want them to embrace them, more like the boys did."

Scotty proudly shows off his medal as Homecoming King

Actions like these make me proud to know that not everyone in this generation has succumbed to the abyss of reality television and the sometimes mindless social media. Kudos to these outstanding young men!

The Chaperone: Relics of the Past? Or Does Society Need to Resurrect Them?



Sometimes I wonder if many of the practices we deem as antiquated and out of touch with the 21st century are things that need to be brought back into our everyday life like the chaperone. A chaperone, or chaperon, is an adult who accompanies or supervises young people on social occasions. I am sure this practice was more to protect the young ladies than the young men, due to the fact that a young woman's reputation being compromised could jeopardize her prospects for marriage.

 While the attitudes  toward marriage has changed a great deal in the last 100 years, the need to protect young women and young men from themselves is still very much needed. At the same time I wonder just how effective the chaperone really is as many people are always looking for "holes in the fences" of moral boundaries, so to speak.

A hundred plus years ago, young people found ways to communicate and flirt under the nose of the watchful eye of the protocol police. They used flowers, fans and handkerchiefs to convey certain messages to the opposite sex. (I will share more on this in a later blog post). Young people today are just as savvy.  Though "child experts" recommend parents taking protective measures like having their child's computer in the family room so they can see
 what their child is doing when online, I fear their suggestions will not be very effective. Like their counterparts from 100 years ago, armed with social media outlets coupled with their fluency in"textaneese", the internet  and the cell phone are the venues of communication that have become the digital fan, handkerchief, and flowers wherewith they fly under the radar of their parents and other "nosey" adults.

 Courting Bench



These attempts by children to avoid probing into their inner lives does not  mean that things do not have to be in place to protect our children's innocence as long as possible. So much inappropriate behavior through media and television is assaulting their minds and hearts that it is imperative that are systems in place to lovingly protect them and in the right context that is what a chaperone should represent in social settings. Now days a chaperone seems to be nothing more than a person who makes sure all the kids are accounted for on a field trip. 100 years ago a young man understood that when he asked a girl to dance at a party, after the dance he had to bring her back to her protector, her chpaereone, if he came to visit a young lady at her home, he understood that there would be a chaperone in that room (a parent or trusted relative) to make sure that they were on their best behavior during the visit.

Today I read story after story of young men and women participating in very "adult" behavior with no adult supervision and many times those activities find their way onto YouTube or some other social media site for millions to watch.  Even after the initial footage is eventually removed  a virtual "fingerprint" will be on the web forever, because some morally bankrupt people won't keep that type of information to themselves.  Like a virus, it gets passed around from person to person. Sadly when these children become adults, that type of information can possibly come back to haunt them.


Children, especially teens, see this type of supervision as a imposition on their freedom and sadly many parents today see it an outdated practice as they seem to strive more to be their children's buddies instead of their parents. The practice of the chaperone seems to be in direct contrast to this no-boundary, instant gratification society we are now subjected to. They must understand  that the freedom of choice is not without sometimes lasting consequence, and what they found funny and enjoyable in the name of youthful innocence, is now costing them a huge price. Parents and trusted adults, teachers, religious leaders, etc..., have a responsibility to set up protective boundaries for young adults, despite their protests and for their own good.



So I ask you, does the chaperone still have a needed place in society or is it a role (in it's full context) that needs to remain a thing of the past?


What are your thoughts?



 

Parents and Social Graces: What Legacy are we leaving?

A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children's children
-Hebrew Proverb

Inheritance-the acquisition of a possession, condition, or trait from past generations

-Websters dictionary

In a previous post, I shared a clip from the 1995 movie "Blast from the past" about a man named Adam who lived in an underground bomb shelter with his parents from his birth until  the age of 35. His parents raised him with 1950's values so when he came above ground (after the time-lock was released) he was a polite, respectful man that was looked upon as strange and out of touch in the rude but pro politically correct 1990's. He meets Eve and her friend Troy who help him adjust to life above ground and to help bring his parents above ground as well. In the process Eve expresses annoyance to Troy about Adam's "perfect table manners". Troy shares with Eve that Adam's parents taught him proper social graces and he never received that type of training from his own parents. This portion of the movie was very telling and points to a very serious problem,  it seems that many parents today are not passing down the legacy of good manners and proper conduct to their children. Is it possible the reason is that their parents did not pass it on to them? or that they feel such practices are outdated and antiquated? 


According to Webster's dictionary an inheritance is more than money and possessions, it is also traits and characteristics that are passed down. I pose a question, what are we leaving to future generations besides money and possessions? Are we leaving them with the skills to treat themselves and others well without which the money and possesions have no lasting value?

Parents are extremely important in the shaping of how their children perceive and interact in the world. They are the  ones who not only do the first introductions for their children on this planet, they are the first role models and are responsible for what they allow their children to be influenced by and what they are influenced by will reflect in their behavior. A colleague of mine took her grandsons to her neighborhood park recently and a bully tried to beat up one of her grandsons. When she intervened to break up the tussle, the father of the bully came over and was going to assault her. The only thing that stopped him was several men in the park stood up  and he backed off, took his son by the hand, walked off scolding him that  he should have finished the boy off.  It does not take much to see that the boy was a bully because his father was a bully and he will not do very well in life if his answer is to mistreat others to get his way. 

 I recently assisted Maura Graber, Founder of the RSVP Institute of Etiquette  with a private class for three elementary school children. In speaking with the parents, it was very apparent that  they wanted their children to succeed and do well and these classes were an investment in their future. Maura shared with me that she has received numerous calls and letters over the years from parents and students thanking her for her classes and the impact of having proper manners and social graces had on their lives. One young man who is now an attorney shared that the lessons on dining etiquette came in handy as his law firm participates in many formal dinner events. Another young man recently married, thanked his parents at his wedding reception for sending him to etiquette classes because he was able to impress his future in-laws with his politeness and in assisting them in setting the table. 

Parents also by their own conduct and behavior can also leave a legacy that benefits their children. Pastor Joel Osteen shared how years earlier his parents were courteous and kind to the new chief of the sheriff's department of their town. They invited him to dinner, offered counsel and support and years later when Joel was trying to obtain the Compaq Stadium for his growing congregation, this same man who was no longer the Chief, but the Mayor of their town was influential in helping them obtain the property. Joel's parents kind and courteous behavior towards this man paved the way for Joel to receive a favorable outcome.

Either way you look at it, these parents planted  seeds that reaped a bountiful harvest in their children's future successes and if their children continue the legacy, their grandchildren will benefit as well.......

........................and that is a rich inheritance that any parent no matter what their social standing can leave .

RETRO VIDEO-Are Manners Important?