Monday, June 30, 2014

Manners Monday: A.R.K- Act of Real Kindness





On a flight from Detroit to Los Angeles, actress Amy Adams quietly gave her first-class seat to an American serviceman who had been booked in coach.

Jemele Hill , co-host of ESPN2's Numbers Never Lie tweeted about Ms. Adams act of kindness with quickly went viral.

"I just thought it was incredibly classy and thoughtful," Hill said. "I already was a fan of hers, but now I'm a bigger one after today,"

And so am I, Kudos to you Amy for making one solider's ride to his destination a more comfortable one.


Wednesday, June 25, 2014

For Crying Out Loud




I think if you want to be edgy and counterculture now, just have manners and etiquette. It will blow people away. Sad but true.
 
-Aundrea Love
Vintage Model

Monday, June 23, 2014

CrowdFunding Weddings: A New Trend?


Crowdfunding or Crowdsourcing is a new trend  that people are utilizing to raise money for various causes both public and personal. People set up an account on a crowdfunding website stating what the money is needed for and how much they need. People can donate anywhere from a dollar up to funding the entire project. While fundraising is nothing new, this new trend makes it easier to source funds without going to a bank, having  a non-profit standing, etc. and is especially popular with entrepreneurs with a start-up business venture, independent filmmakers wanting to get their movies and/or documentaries funded, people raising money for someone with a serious illness, I even saw one young woman trying to raise money for her education overseas and the list goes on. However with every new idea, there is room for the possibility of crossing the line over into  the grey area leading to misuse.

A friend shared with me that a couple she knew was crowdfunding  their wedding. The guests have an option of chipping in to help pay for parts of the wedding in lieu of gifts.One option was to pay for several meals, like for 40 dollars you could pay for the meal of seven guests. There were other options available on their wedding webpage. I found  this approach not only  to be inappropriate but downright tacky. Some disagreed with me and felt it was an original idea, but many shared my sentiment on the matter and felt it should not be done.When you have a wedding celebration and you invite people, outside of a gift (which is not obligatory), they should not have to pay for anything! that responsibility falls on those who are hosting  the event.

Returning to American wedding tradition, I decided review who is responsible for the expenses of a wedding, because after all, these things do need to be paid for by someone. I found the following list in Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Eitquette (1957 edition):

EXPENSES OF THE BRIDES PARENTS 

1. Engraved invitations and announcements 

2. The bridal outfit and, though it is no longer expected, the costumes of the 

3. bride's attendants  (if money is no object) 
 
 4. Bridal photographs 
 
5. The bridal consultant and social secretary, if needed 
6. The bride's trousseau 
7. The household trousseau 
8. All the cost of the reception 
9. Flowers for the reception 

10. Flowers for the bride and her attendants (but see "Groom's Expenses") 
11. Music at the church and at the reception 
12.Sexton's and organist's fee. Choir fee 
13. Carpets, ribbons, awnings, tents anything of the kind often rented for large 

Weddings and Receptions 
14. A limousine for the bride, at least, and other cars for the transportation of 
the bridal party to and from church 
 
15. A wedding gift of substance, usually silver 

Groom's Expenses 

1. The wedding ring 

2. The marriage license 

3. The bride's flowers (the bridal bouquet if she wears a bridal gown, or a 

4. corsage. Going-away corsage may be the heart of the bridal bouquet, or
supplied separately) 

So according to the above list, the bride's family carried the bulk of the expenses and if it was a huge affair that could mean alot of money. However, today  a lot of people are not adhering to the old  traditions of wedding exprense protocol because many parents simply cannot afford the expense of paying for a wedding so more and more of that responsibility is taken care of by the bride and groom themselves, but that is still not an excuse to expect one's friends and family to foot the bill and if you cannot afford the wedding of your dreams, you can either  pospone your wedding until you can save for the wedding you want or cut expenses. Rent a wedding dress or make your own, forego the entire ceremony and just get married at the justice of the peace or city hall and have a nice lunch at a diner afterwards or cook your own food or have a  potluck at your home or the home of a friend/family member willing to host, have a cake reception where just wedding cake and light refreshments are served, but asking fieinds and family to chip in for anything is a NO-NO. According to weddingcost.com, the average wedding today costs about $25,000, almost 50% of which is spent on the food and the reception. So if you still want to have the whole wedding experience, cut some people from the reception list. Some may be disappointed but to have the event you want, you will have to make sacrifices.

Maura Graber Etiquette Consultant for over 25 years, founder of the RSVP Institute of Etiquette and creator of the blog, Etiquipedia had this to say in regards to her own wedding:

"You are not obliged to invite anyone to anything, you invite how many you can invite and that is it. Many of my husband's employees consider themselves "family" and were mad they were not invited to our wedding.  They said, "But I'm "family"!  We could only invite a certain number of people.   We were getting married in the house and having the reception there. We had to set a number and stick with it.  We let others know we were truly sorry that we could not include them."

 As all inclusive as some bride and grooms may want to be, they will have to stay within their means to make it work and that is all there is to it. I saw one of the crowdfunding websites set up just for engaged couples and they posted several  "success" stories of couples that were able to raise the money they wanted (not needed) for their wedding and/or honeymoon. The amounts ranged from $2,000-$25,000. While they may have been "successful" at raising the funds, they were even more successful at promoting the cause of our "entitlement" oriented culture that says, "If I want it, I should have it, even if I have to get others to pay for it," and that is not a good thing.

I believe the wise thing to do is leave crowdfunding  endeavors to the start-ups and filmmakers and make sure your wedding guests have a good time at your celebration on your dime, not theirs.



Wednesday, June 4, 2014

For Crying Out Loud



You can get through life with bad manners, but it is easier with good ones. -Lillian Gish, Actress (1893-1993)

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Profiles In Manners and Public Displays of Social Graces



Cayden Taipalus


Howell, Michigan (located halfway between Detroit and Lansing) is a town of about 9,500 people. It’s a lower-middle-class working community, where men leave every day to support their families, and women find work in the industries that will have them. Fewer than 4% of Howell residents live below the poverty line, but those who do find that Howell knows how to take care of its own. At least, they do if one little boy is any example of the town’s spirit.


Some time back, 8-year-old Cayden Taipalus stood in the school lunch line at Challenger Elementary, and witnessed a fellow student receive a “sandwich” comprised of two slices of dry bread and a single, thin slice of cheese. Cayden, his own tray heaped with a school-spec but hot lunch, shared his classmate’s pain and disappointment. The classmate’s school lunch account was more than $5 in the negative, and in Michigan, that means an “alternative” lunch.

Something had to be done.


Cayden came home that day and told his mother, Amber Peters, of the cheese sandwich incident, and asked her if anything could be done. The two came up with “Pay it Forward — No Kid Goes Hungry.” According to Cayden, he just “wanted to help kids have a better lunch.”

Cayden began calling his friends and family, trying to raise money to pay off the school lunch accounts of the kids whose accounts were in the negative. After hitting Facebook and tapping all willing souls available, he hit the streets to raise more money, collecting cans and bottles, turning them in for the recycling fee. At the end of the drive, Cayden and his mother raised enough money to bring every delinquent student’s account back into the positive, enough for over 150 lunches at Challenger elementary prices.


He collected $64. And some change.

Excerpt from ABC News report



As this story shows, good manners is not just about being polite to others, it is also about caring for others. Good job Cayden!

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

For Crying Out Loud







The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.
-Fred Astaire

Thursday, April 24, 2014

George Washington's Rules Of Civility



George Washington had copied out by hand, 110 Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation, by the time he had turned sixteen. It has been said that the inspiration for the rules that helped to shape the moral convictions of the man who would become America’s first president  was said to have come from a 17th century book on etiquette called Youth’s behavior or Decency in Conversation Amongst Men  by Francis Hawkins. At the age of eight Hawkins has translated into English a 16th century set of rules that had been compiled by French Jesuits. Hawkins book had been simplified by an instructor for George who carefully copied them into his exercise book which is now preserved at the library of congress. 


Historians agree that Washington studied these rules and practiced them throughout his life. It appears that his continued practice of these rules proved evident in his life. It was said of him by Thomas Jefferson in 1814, “…and it may truly be said, that never did nature and fortune combine more perfectly to make a man great.” Washington Irving wrote in 1855 that Washington’s practice of good behavior brought him to the attention of Lord Fairfax of Virginia who appointed him as surveyor of his estates, Washington was only seventeen at the time. 

The themes that seemed to influence the young Washington the strongest  as reflected in what he wrote about manners and morals were self restraint, modesty and a habitual consideration of others. It appears that Washington’s Rules of Civility has continued to influence people long after his death. Several reprintings of his work have occurred up to present day. With the exception of a few rules that are not applicable in our modern society such as Rule #53 Run not in the Streets, neither go too slowly nor with Mouth open go not Shaking your Arms kick not the earth with R feet, go not upon the Toes, nor in a Dancing fashion”. Rules like #56 are still applicable today “Associate yourself with Men of good Quality if you Esteem your own Reputation; for 'is better to be alone than in bad Company.”  Washington’s writings are a testament to the fact that good manners coupled with a strong moral conviction can speak long after we cease to be.



The Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation

(For ease of reading, punctuation and spelling have been modernized.)

1. Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.
2. When in company, put not your hands to any part of the body not usually discovered.
3. Show nothing to your friend that may affright him.
4. In the presence of others, sing not to yourself with a humming voice, or drum with your fingers or feet.
5. If you cough, sneeze, sigh or yawn, do it not loud but privately, and speak not in your yawning, but put your handkerchief or hand before your face and turn aside.
6. Sleep not when others speak, sit not when others stand, speak not when you should hold your peace, walk not on when others stop.
7. Put not off your clothes in the presence of others, nor go out of your chamber half dressed.
8. At play and attire, it's good manners to give place to the last comer, and affect not to speak louder than ordinary.
9. Spit not into the fire, nor stoop low before it; neither put your hands into the flames to warm them, nor set your feet upon the fire, especially if there be meat before it.
10. When you sit down, keep your feet firm and even, without putting one on the other or crossing them.
11. Shift not yourself in the sight of others, nor gnaw your nails.
12. Shake not the head, feet, or legs; roll not the eyes; lift not one eyebrow higher than the other, wry not the mouth, and bedew no man's face with your spittle by approaching too near him when you speak.
13. Kill no vermin, or fleas, lice, ticks, etc. in the sight of others; if you see any filth or thick spittle put your foot dexterously upon it; if it be upon the clothes of your companions, put it off privately, and if it be upon your own clothes, return thanks to him who puts it off.
14. Turn not your back to others, especially in speaking; jog not the table or desk on which another reads or writes; lean not upon anyone.
15. Keep your nails clean and short, also your hands and teeth clean, yet without showing any great concern for them.
16. Do not puff up the cheeks, loll not out the tongue with the hands or beard, thrust out the lips or bite them, or keep the lips too open or too close.
17. Be no flatterer, neither play with any that delight not to be played withal.
18. Read no letter, books, or papers in company, but when there is a necessity for the doing of it, you must ask leave; come not near the books or writtings of another so as to read them unless desired, or give your opinion of them unasked. Also look not nigh when another is writing a letter.
19. Let your countenance be pleasant but in serious matters somewhat grave.
20. The gestures of the body must be suited to the discourse you are upon.
21. Reproach none for the infirmities of nature, nor delight to put them that have in mind of thereof.
22. Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another though he were your enemy.
23. When you see a crime punished, you may be inwardly pleased; but always show pity to the suffering offender.
24. Do not laugh too loud or too much at any public spectacle.
25. Superfluous compliments and all affectation of ceremonies are to be avoided, yet where due they are not to be neglected.
26. In putting off your hat to persons of distinction, as noblemen, justices, churchmen, etc., make a reverence, bowing more or less according to the custom of the better bred, and quality of the persons. Among your equals expect not always that they should begin with you first, but to pull off the hat when there is no need is affectation. In the manner of saluting and resaluting in words, keep to the most usual custom.
27. 'Tis ill manners to bid one more eminent than yourself be covered, as well as not to do it to whom it is due. Likewise he that makes too much haste to put on his hat does not well, yet he ought to put it on at the first, or at most the second time of being asked. Now what is herein spoken, of qualification in behavior in saluting, ought also to be observed in taking of place and sitting down, for ceremonies without bounds are troublesome.
28. If any one come to speak to you while you are are sitting stand up, though he be your inferior, and when you present seats, let it be to everyone according to his degree.
29. When you meet with one of greater quality than yourself, stop and retire, especially if it be at a door or any straight place, to give way for him to pass.
30. In walking, the highest place in most countries seems to be on the right hand; therefore, place yourself on the left of him whom you desire to honor. But if three walk together the middest place is the most honorable; the wall is usally given to the most worthy if two walk together.
31. If anyone far surpasses others, either in age, estate, or merit, yet would give place to a meaner than himself in his own lodging or elsewhere, the one ought not to except it. So he on the other part should not use much earnestness nor offer it above once or twice.
32. To one that is your equal, or not much inferior, you are to give the chief place in your lodging, and he to whom it is offered ought at the first to refuse it, but at the second to accept though not without acknowledging his own unworthiness.
33. They that are in dignity or in office have in all places precedency, but whilst they are young, they ought to respect those that are their equals in birth or other qualities, though they have no public charge.
34. It is good manners to prefer them to whom we speak before ourselves, especially if they be above us, with whom in no sort we ought to begin.
35. Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.
36. Artificers and persons of low degree ought not to use many ceremonies to lords or others of high degree, but respect and highly honor then, and those of high degree ought to treat them with affability and courtesy, without arrogance.
37. In speaking to men of quality do not lean nor look them full in the face, nor approach too near them at left. Keep a full pace from them.
38. In visiting the sick, do not presently play the physician if you be not knowing therein.
39. In writing or speaking, give to every person his due title according to his degree and the custom of the place.
40. Strive not with your superior in argument, but always submit your judgment to others with modesty.
41. Undertake not to teach your equal in the art himself professes; it savors of arrogancy.
42. Let your ceremonies in courtesy be proper to the dignity of his place with whom you converse, for it is absurd to act the same with a clown and a prince.
43. Do not express joy before one sick in pain, for that contrary passion will aggravate his misery.
44. When a man does all he can, though it succeed not well, blame not him that did it.
45. Being to advise or reprehend any one, consider whether it ought to be in public or in private, and presently or at some other time; in what terms to do it; and in reproving show no signs of cholor but do it with all sweetness and mildness.
46. Take all admonitions thankfully in what time or place soever given, but afterwards not being culpable take a time and place convenient to let him know it that gave them.
47. Mock not nor jest at any thing of importance. Break no jests that are sharp, biting, and if you deliver any thing witty and pleasant, abstain from laughing thereat yourself.
48. Wherein you reprove another be unblameable yourself, for example is more prevalent than precepts.
49. Use no reproachful language against any one; neither curse nor revile.
50. Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of any.
51. Wear not your clothes foul, or ripped, or dusty, but see they be brushed once every day at least and take heed that you approach not to any uncleaness.
52. In your apparel be modest and endeavor to accommodate nature, rather than to procure admiration; keep to the fashion of your equals, such as are civil and orderly with respect to time and places.
53. Run not in the streets, neither go too slowly, nor with mouth open; go not shaking of arms, nor upon the toes, kick not the earth with your feet, go not upon the toes, nor in a dancing fashion.
54. Play not the peacock, looking every where about you, to see if you be well decked, if your shoes fit well, if your stockings sit neatly and clothes handsomely.
55. Eat not in the streets, nor in the house, out of season.
56. Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company.
57. In walking up and down in a house, only with one in company if he be greater than yourself, at the first give him the right hand and stop not till he does and be not the first that turns, and when you do turn let it be with your face towards him; if he be a man of great quality walk not with him cheek by jowl but somewhat behind him, but yet in such a manner that he may easily speak to you.
58. Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for 'tis a sign of a tractable and commendable nature, and in all causes of passion permit reason to govern.
59. Never express anything unbecoming, nor act against the rules moral before your inferiors.
60. Be not immodest in urging your friends to discover a secret.
61. Utter not base and frivolous things among grave and learned men, nor very difficult questions or subjects among the ignorant, or things hard to be believed; stuff not your discourse with sentences among your betters nor equals.
62. Speak not of doleful things in a time of mirth or at the table; speak not of melancholy things as death and wounds, and if others mention them, change if you can the discourse. Tell not your dreams, but to your intimate friend.
63. A man ought not to value himself of his achievements or rare qualities of wit; much less of his riches, virtue or kindred.
64. Break not a jest where none take pleasure in mirth; laugh not aloud, nor at all without occasion; deride no man's misfortune though there seem to be some cause.
65. Speak not injurious words neither in jest nor earnest; scoff at none although they give occasion.
66. Be not froward but friendly and courteous, the first to salute, hear and answer; and be not pensive when it's a time to converse.
67. Detract not from others, neither be excessive in commanding.
68. Go not thither, where you know not whether you shall be welcome or not; give not advice without being asked, and when desired do it briefly.
69. If two contend together take not the part of either unconstrained, and be not obstinate in your own opinion. In things indifferent be of the major side.
70. Reprehend not the imperfections of others, for that belongs to parents, masters and superiors.
71. Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of others and ask not how they came. What you may speak in secret to your friend, deliver not before others.
72. Speak not in an unknown tongue in company but in your own language and that as those of quality do and not as the vulgar. Sublime matters treat seriously.
73. Think before you speak, pronounce not imperfectly, nor bring out your words too hastily, but orderly and distinctly.
74. When another speaks, be attentive yourself and disturb not the audience. If any hesitate in his words, help him not nor prompt him without desired. Interrupt him not, nor answer him till his speech be ended.
75. In the midst of discourse ask not of what one treats, but if you perceive any stop because of your coming, you may well entreat him gently to proceed. If a person of quality comes in while you're conversing, it's handsome to repeat what was said before.
76. While you are talking, point not with your finger at him of whom you discourse, nor approach too near him to whom you talk, especially to his face.
77. Treat with men at fit times about business and whisper not in the company of others.
78. Make no comparisons and if any of the company be commended for any brave act of virtue, commend not another for the same.
79. Be not apt to relate news if you know not the truth thereof. In discoursing of things you have heard, name not your author. Always a secret discover not.
80. Be not tedious in discourse or in reading unless you find the company pleased therewith.
81. Be not curious to know the affairs of others, neither approach those that speak in private.
82. Undertake not what you cannot perform but be careful to keep your promise.
83. When you deliver a matter do it without passion and with discretion, however mean the person be you do it to.
84. When your superiors talk to anybody hearken not, neither speak nor laugh.
85. In company of those of higher quality than yourself, speak not 'til you are asked a question, then stand upright, put off your hat and answer in few words.
86. In disputes, be not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to each one to deliver his opinion and submit to the judgment of the major part, especially if they are judges of the dispute.
87. Let your carriage be such as becomes a man grave, settled and attentive to that which is spoken. Contradict not at every turn what others say.
88. Be not tedious in discourse, make not many digressions, nor repeat often the same manner of discourse.
89. Speak not evil of the absent, for it is unjust.
90. Being set at meat scratch not, neither spit, cough or blow your nose except there's a necessity for it.
91. Make no show of taking great delight in your victuals. Feed not with greediness. Eat your bread with a knife. Lean not on the table, neither find fault with what you eat.
92. Take no salt or cut bread with your knife greasy.
93. Entertaining anyone at table it is decent to present him with meat. Undertake not to help others undesired by the master.
94. If you soak bread in the sauce, let it be no more than what you put in your mouth at a time, and blow not your broth at table but stay 'til it cools of itself.
95. Put not your meat to your mouth with your knife in your hand; neither spit forth the stones of any fruit pie upon a dish nor cast anything under the table.
96. It's unbecoming to heap much to one's mea. Keep your fingers clean and when foul wipe them on a corner of your table napkin.
97. Put not another bite into your mouth 'til the former be swallowed. Let not your morsels be too big for the jowls.
98. Drink not nor talk with your mouth full; neither gaze about you while you are drinking.
99. Drink not too leisurely nor yet too hastily. Before and after drinking wipe your lips. Breathe not then or ever with too great a noise, for it is uncivil.
100. Cleanse not your teeth with the tablecloth, napkin, fork or knife, but if others do it, let it be done with a pick tooth.
101. Rinse not your mouth in the presence of others.
102. It is out of use to call upon the company often to eat. Nor need you drink to others every time you drink.
103. In company of your betters be not longer in eating than they are. Lay not your arm but only your hand upon the table.
104. It belongs to the chiefest in company to unfold his napkin and fall to meat first. But he ought then to begin in time and to dispatch with dexterity that the slowest may have time allowed him.
105. Be not angry at table whatever happens and if you have reason to be so, show it not but on a cheerful countenance especially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one dish of meat a feast.
106. Set not yourself at the upper of the table but if it be your due, or that the master of the house will have it so. Contend not, lest you should trouble the company.
107. If others talk at table be attentive, but talk not with meat in your mouth.
108. When you speak of God or His attributes, let it be seriously and with reverence. Honor and obey your natural parents although they be poor.
109. Let your recreations be manful not sinful.
110. Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.

Friday, January 31, 2014

Chinese New Year Etiquette



The Lunar New Year holiday is celebrated by many Asian cultures.  It is usually celebrated over a minimum three-day period to about fifteen days surrounding the first full moon of the year. Festivities begin the day before the full moon, the day of the full moon, and the day following the full moon.

The following are some of the practices that the Chinese community  in particular observe in preparation for the arrival of the new year:

1.      Settle  all debts before the new year. The goal of settling ones debts is to begin the New Year with a clean slate  and to have sufficient funds available to provide all that will be needed to ensure a joyus celebration  will be had by all.
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2.      A thorough house cleaning. This is done before the new year to make sure that you do not sweep away any good luck.

3.      Use special paper greetings, flowers, and fruits to decorate your home.  Greeting cards and good luck symbols are tied on a blooming tree along with an abundance of fragrant flowers and fruits.  It is believed the more abundant the tree is with these  beautiful items, the more good luck the family will experience in the New Year


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4.      New clothes for the New Year. This signified starting the new year off with a clean slate. ( the color red is considered a lucky color)



5.      Celebrating the new year is a family affair with plenty of food and drink. This time is used to heal and reconcile and strengthen relationships as we transition into the New Year. Make sure all your favorite dishes, plus a few traditional are in abundance. Running water during the first day in the New Year is frowned upon because doing so denies  the earth and water a day of rest.



6.      Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to all! Everyone becomes a year older with the New Year, no matter when your birthday is celebrated . Give children red “Lai See” envelopes with “good luck” money inside. This tradition is also used for many other festive occasions, in lieu of modern gift-giving practices. (Instructions for Lai See Etiquette are listed below)





7.      Honor Your Ancestors. Have photos of family members and loved ones on display that have passed away.  It is unfortunate they cannot be there in person with you, so honor them by holding them in remembrance.

8.      Cook, Cook, Cook, And Cook some more!  As your favorite places may be closed on New Years Day, because others in the Asian community are also celebrating, make sure you have plenty of food to last three days!



9.      Visit family, friends and build new friendships. The first day in the New Year is spent with your immediate family, the second day is often spent with good friends and special guests.  Modern traditions dictate that the third day be spent celebrating  with teachers and business associates.This is also a great opportunity to create new friendships and start the new year off together.



10.  Pay significant attention to your actions. Recognize  the first acts you perform in the New Year. Displays of anger, lying, raising your voice, indecent language and breaking anything during the first three days of the New Year is forbidden, especially the first day.




Hopefully these tips will help you celebrate with your friends in the Asian community and enjoy the wonderful traditions that accompany them.


新年快樂
Happy New Year!




Lai See Etiquette (From Geo Expat.com)


During Chinese New Year, and stretching into the following week, you may notice a flurry of red envelopes being exchanged almost everywhere you go. These fancy little red envelopes, called "lai see", are packets that contain good luck money. Giving lai see to people is a big part of Chinese New Year celebrations, so you don't want to miss out on giving (or receiving!) them in the following couple of weeks.


But giving lai see is not like handing out candy to children on Halloween (unless you're one of those grumps who don't like giving treats to the kids without costumes). There's a set of rules you have to abide by when giving out lai see.

Locals give out lai see like it's second nature to them, but in fact, there are different amounts distinguished for different people and people with different marital statuses and also people with different job positions. Starting to feel a little weary about this whole business? You'll get the hang of it once you understand proper lai see etiquette.

Lai see is bestowed from "big to small", "old to young", and "senior to junior". For example, if you are the boss or manager, you should give lai see to your employees. If you live in an apartment complex with its own management staff, you should give lai see to your security guard, cleaners, and doorman. Married couples also give to their single, younger relatives, and may give two lai see packets to each recipient (one from each spouse). If you are unmarried, you will usually only need to give one packet to each recipient.

You don't have to give lai see to everyone you know, but keep in mind that there is a chance you may forget somebody. People usually bring a pile of red envelopes with them whenever they go out, just in case they might bump into someone accidentally (and since this is Hong Kong, you probably w ill). It's best to keep a mixture of $10, $20, $50, and $100 envelopes on you to be ready at all times.The amount you put in the lai see is up to you, Use this handy guide to avoid any lai see faux-pas! Don’t forget to give and receive with both hands as this is regarded as a sign of courtesy. Also, never let children give out lai sees to older folk or service staff – this is considered insulting.
Who? How Much?
Security guard / door man / building management team / cleaning staff $20 - $50 per person, more if you’re in a smaller building with a single guard/cleaner
Helper / driver $100 (for part-time helpers) - $500
Staff (if you’re the boss) $50 - $500
Colleagues and friends $20 - $100
Waitress or waiter/ barista / anyone who serves you regularly $20 - $50
Hairdresser, manicurist, massage therapist, etc. $50 - $100

Thursday, January 30, 2014

For Crying Out Loud



Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners.

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/l/laurencest165818.html#zCLOcUqt5lx3Wstu.99
Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners.

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/l/laurencest165818.html#zCLOcUqt5lx3Wstu.99
 Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners. 

-Laurence Sterne
Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners.

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/l/laurencest165818.html#zCLOcUqt5lx3Wstu.99

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Social Graces in History- Why men tip their hats



Seeing this can be very intimidating, I would want him to lift his mask to let me know his intent was friendly how about you?


When knights in medieval times wanted to express friendly intent, they would raise their face masks and reveal their faces. The practice of saluting is also derived from this practice the knights created.   Lifting one's armor mask eventually evolved into the custom of "tipping" one's hat to greet or acknowledge another, women  in particular. When knights would enter a building, removing their helmet signified a peaceful position, since a knight could not fight or defend himself without the helmet.  Since the removal of his helmet made him vulnerable, it informed others that combat or any type of violence was not his motive. This practice also evolved into the removal of one's hat when entering a building, when hearing the national anthem and in different situations where they would not be going back out in public immediately. Men would hold their hats in their hand when speaking with a lady but would put it back on when they began to walk together if out in public. It is amazing to see how these common courtesies have their roots in codes of conduct and communication from ancient practices to ensure a peaceful position was maintained in certain situations.

Imagine being a lady passing by and being treated to this!

It's 2014!!

MAY YOUR NEW YEAR BE ONE  OF HOPE AND HAPPINESS!

-DEMITA