For Crying Out Loud

To be a successful hostess, when guests arrive say, At last! and when they leave say, So soon!

~Anonymous

COURTSHIP: Out of the Mouths of Babes

It's hard to believe these days instead of these little romantic cute dances all they have is grinding, bad words, disrespect,.... shaking...ugh. I'm 14 and I want my prom to be like this... :(

-A You Tube Commenter

The above comment was posted by a 14 year old girl  in regards to the YouTube clip from the movie "Saturday Night Fever" . John Travolta's character is dancing with his partner to the Bee Gees song, "More than a woman". It is a very romantic dance indeed, a simple dance with no sexual overtones.  In the midst of  (in my humble opinion) an oversexualized society where sex sells everything, here is a young lady born at the end to the 1990's who is sad that there is no sincere romantic exchange between men and women, just simulated sex on the dance floor. For her to make that comment is very telling of the kind of interaction she has either witnessed or experienced in her young life. A fourteen year old should not have to experience this type of sadness for something so early in her life.  She is not alone, a month earlier another commenter simply said this:
this is my dream prom night.... 

Wow, I am speechless! She said this is what she dreamed of for her prom, she did not speak of her dress, or the limo, or the party, but the essence of  romance she saw in this clip from a 33 year old movie. Is it possible that many  young people are tired of the garbage that has been fed to them in the name of being with the times and having more freedom? While I am sure they are not asking to go back 100 years, it is apparent that they want some of the elements of courtship and romance restored.

It is not just the girls who feel something is missing, young men are expressing the same sorrow. My 22 year old cousin has spoken to me on more than one occasion that he wished girls were more interested in being courted instead of immediately wanting to take the interaction to an "adult" level so soon after meeting. My guess is thinking they know what the guy is probably expecting, they jump the gun not presenting an opportunity for the possibility of something wonderfully different, the chance to be romanced and  they rob the young men who genuinely want the opportunity to express it.

I wonder how long it is going to take for adults/parents to see that not all young people desire to be a friend with benefits. Maybe, just maybe they want to learn about  those so called "old fashioned, out of date" values that are ridiculed by those who are out of touch with what is really important to people.

Please, say THANK YOU (Part 1)

The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God....... I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens............

-From Abraham Lincoln's  thanksgiving proclamation  October 3, 1863

As I read through Abraham Lincoln's Thanksgiving Proclamation in it's entirety I could feel  his sense of  urgency in the midst of war of re-directing the nations focus back on the importance of being grateful, so much in fact that he created a national holiday  to serve as a constant reminder to American citizens. Regardless of race or gender, he understood that gratitude would serve as an important ingredient in healing the wounds of the nation and reconciling the losses that the nation had suffered .  Of the many books I have read on manners and social graces, the authors seemed to express that  gratitude  was of the utmost importance in dealing with each other.

Today I fear that many of  us have lost sight of the passion to be humbly grateful wherewith Mr. Lincoln signed the holiday into law. The lack of kindness and gratitude that people are supposed to treat each other with is astounding and it makes me wonder has it just become a day to eat more than we should , watch football and the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade? Don't misunderstand it is a wonderful gift indeed to enjoy these things, but has being grateful just become an shallow external expression that we express only at this time of year so  that we do not become completely self absorbed?

If as our former president so eloquently expressed it we are truly grateful for the abundance that God has given us despite the challenges many of us are facing in this season then Please, SAY THANK YOU, not just today but every day!

In the mean time, it is my hope that you will enjoy the day with your family and look for my next post in which I will share that  how not being grateful can be hazardous to your health.

For Crying Out Loud

Manners are not the character, but they are the dress of the character.

-From the book "Social Etiquette"  (1896)

The Chaperone: Relics of the Past? Or Does Society Need to Resurrect Them?



Sometimes I wonder if many of the practices we deem as antiquated and out of touch with the 21st century are things that need to be brought back into our everyday life like the chaperone. A chaperone, or chaperon, is an adult who accompanies or supervises young people on social occasions. I am sure this practice was more to protect the young ladies than the young men, due to the fact that a young woman's reputation being compromised could jeopardize her prospects for marriage.

 While the attitudes  toward marriage has changed a great deal in the last 100 years, the need to protect young women and young men from themselves is still very much needed. At the same time I wonder just how effective the chaperone really is as many people are always looking for "holes in the fences" of moral boundaries, so to speak.

A hundred plus years ago, young people found ways to communicate and flirt under the nose of the watchful eye of the protocol police. They used flowers, fans and handkerchiefs to convey certain messages to the opposite sex. (I will share more on this in a later blog post). Young people today are just as savvy.  Though "child experts" recommend parents taking protective measures like having their child's computer in the family room so they can see
 what their child is doing when online, I fear their suggestions will not be very effective. Like their counterparts from 100 years ago, armed with social media outlets coupled with their fluency in"textaneese", the internet  and the cell phone are the venues of communication that have become the digital fan, handkerchief, and flowers wherewith they fly under the radar of their parents and other "nosey" adults.

 Courting Bench



These attempts by children to avoid probing into their inner lives does not  mean that things do not have to be in place to protect our children's innocence as long as possible. So much inappropriate behavior through media and television is assaulting their minds and hearts that it is imperative that are systems in place to lovingly protect them and in the right context that is what a chaperone should represent in social settings. Now days a chaperone seems to be nothing more than a person who makes sure all the kids are accounted for on a field trip. 100 years ago a young man understood that when he asked a girl to dance at a party, after the dance he had to bring her back to her protector, her chpaereone, if he came to visit a young lady at her home, he understood that there would be a chaperone in that room (a parent or trusted relative) to make sure that they were on their best behavior during the visit.

Today I read story after story of young men and women participating in very "adult" behavior with no adult supervision and many times those activities find their way onto YouTube or some other social media site for millions to watch.  Even after the initial footage is eventually removed  a virtual "fingerprint" will be on the web forever, because some morally bankrupt people won't keep that type of information to themselves.  Like a virus, it gets passed around from person to person. Sadly when these children become adults, that type of information can possibly come back to haunt them.


Children, especially teens, see this type of supervision as a imposition on their freedom and sadly many parents today see it an outdated practice as they seem to strive more to be their children's buddies instead of their parents. The practice of the chaperone seems to be in direct contrast to this no-boundary, instant gratification society we are now subjected to. They must understand  that the freedom of choice is not without sometimes lasting consequence, and what they found funny and enjoyable in the name of youthful innocence, is now costing them a huge price. Parents and trusted adults, teachers, religious leaders, etc..., have a responsibility to set up protective boundaries for young adults, despite their protests and for their own good.



So I ask you, does the chaperone still have a needed place in society or is it a role (in it's full context) that needs to remain a thing of the past?


What are your thoughts?



 

Where did this come from? (The truth behind the tradition)



Queen Victoria’s dress was of rich white satin, trimmed with orange flower blossoms.

Why do brides wear white? While Queen Victoria was not the first bride to wear white for her wedding she definitely made it popular. In the years to follow not only did brides copy her, it is the accepted color to represent wedding dresses today. Up until Queen Victoria's wedding a woman usually wore her best dress to get married in. Though white has been traditionally recognized as a symbol of purity, it was not, it was a symbol of WEALTH because only a wealthy woman could "waste" a dress by wearing it once because white was extremely difficult to clean back then (and still is today). The color that  actually represented purity was blue.

On a side note, you want to know what motivated Victoria to wear white on her wedding day? She wanted to incorporate some lace she loved into her dress and one way to do that was to wear white. She was not making a stance for purity or wealth, she just wanted to wear some pretty lace on her wedding day!



For Crying Out Loud

Manners transcend social status, race and gender. Courtesy and consideration help to make the unbearable parts of life a little more bearable...a person who is considerate of others is welcome almost anywhere.

Karen Grigsby Bates and  Karen E. Hudson