The Chaperone: Relics of the Past? Or Does Society Need to Resurrect Them?



Sometimes I wonder if many of the practices we deem as antiquated and out of touch with the 21st century are things that need to be brought back into our everyday life like the chaperone. A chaperone, or chaperon, is an adult who accompanies or supervises young people on social occasions. I am sure this practice was more to protect the young ladies than the young men, due to the fact that a young woman's reputation being compromised could jeopardize her prospects for marriage.

 While the attitudes  toward marriage has changed a great deal in the last 100 years, the need to protect young women and young men from themselves is still very much needed. At the same time I wonder just how effective the chaperone really is as many people are always looking for "holes in the fences" of moral boundaries, so to speak.

A hundred plus years ago, young people found ways to communicate and flirt under the nose of the watchful eye of the protocol police. They used flowers, fans and handkerchiefs to convey certain messages to the opposite sex. (I will share more on this in a later blog post). Young people today are just as savvy.  Though "child experts" recommend parents taking protective measures like having their child's computer in the family room so they can see
 what their child is doing when online, I fear their suggestions will not be very effective. Like their counterparts from 100 years ago, armed with social media outlets coupled with their fluency in"textaneese", the internet  and the cell phone are the venues of communication that have become the digital fan, handkerchief, and flowers wherewith they fly under the radar of their parents and other "nosey" adults.

 Courting Bench



These attempts by children to avoid probing into their inner lives does not  mean that things do not have to be in place to protect our children's innocence as long as possible. So much inappropriate behavior through media and television is assaulting their minds and hearts that it is imperative that are systems in place to lovingly protect them and in the right context that is what a chaperone should represent in social settings. Now days a chaperone seems to be nothing more than a person who makes sure all the kids are accounted for on a field trip. 100 years ago a young man understood that when he asked a girl to dance at a party, after the dance he had to bring her back to her protector, her chpaereone, if he came to visit a young lady at her home, he understood that there would be a chaperone in that room (a parent or trusted relative) to make sure that they were on their best behavior during the visit.

Today I read story after story of young men and women participating in very "adult" behavior with no adult supervision and many times those activities find their way onto YouTube or some other social media site for millions to watch.  Even after the initial footage is eventually removed  a virtual "fingerprint" will be on the web forever, because some morally bankrupt people won't keep that type of information to themselves.  Like a virus, it gets passed around from person to person. Sadly when these children become adults, that type of information can possibly come back to haunt them.


Children, especially teens, see this type of supervision as a imposition on their freedom and sadly many parents today see it an outdated practice as they seem to strive more to be their children's buddies instead of their parents. The practice of the chaperone seems to be in direct contrast to this no-boundary, instant gratification society we are now subjected to. They must understand  that the freedom of choice is not without sometimes lasting consequence, and what they found funny and enjoyable in the name of youthful innocence, is now costing them a huge price. Parents and trusted adults, teachers, religious leaders, etc..., have a responsibility to set up protective boundaries for young adults, despite their protests and for their own good.



So I ask you, does the chaperone still have a needed place in society or is it a role (in it's full context) that needs to remain a thing of the past?


What are your thoughts?



 

RETRO-spective: Social graces in courtship and romance.

 "If a gentleman approaches you with words of flattery, and profuse attentions, especially after a short aquaintence, extend no encouraging smile or word; for a flatterer can never be otherwise than an unprofitable companion. It is better by dignified composure, to appear not to notice, than, with smiles and blushes, to disclaim flattery; since these are considered as encouragements for further effusions of these "painted words"

-The Ladies Guide to Perfect Gentility

1856

The translation could not be any more clear! If a guy you barely know "comes on strong", he is up to no good, do not encourage him and ignore his  bull manure! This tidbit of information demonstrates that very little has changed in over 150 years in the relationships between men and women. Men in the 21st century are still trying to flatter women into compromising situations and sadly the "game" seems to have not lost it's power!!!

BUT ladies, you are not off the hook, consider this advice from Louis Martines book of etiquette, 1866:

"Never triffle with the affections of a man who loves you; nor admit of marked attentions from one whose affections you cannot return. Some young ladies pride themselves upon the conquests which they make....let this be far from you. If you see clearly that you have become the the object of especial regard to a gentleman, and do not wish to encourage his addresses, treat him honorably and humanely, as you hope to be used with generosity by the person who may engage your heart."

Again the message is clear, a woman is not to play games with the heart of a man who is interested in her but she is not interested in the man. She is to treat him with respect and be forthright with him considering how she would want to be treated by the man who captures her heart.

I wonder what the world would be like if men and women treated each other well in romantic situations, is it possible there would be fewer broken hearts in the world?