COURTSHIP: Out of the Mouths of Babes

It's hard to believe these days instead of these little romantic cute dances all they have is grinding, bad words, disrespect,.... shaking...ugh. I'm 14 and I want my prom to be like this... :(

-A You Tube Commenter

The above comment was posted by a 14 year old girl  in regards to the YouTube clip from the movie "Saturday Night Fever" . John Travolta's character is dancing with his partner to the Bee Gees song, "More than a woman". It is a very romantic dance indeed, a simple dance with no sexual overtones.  In the midst of  (in my humble opinion) an oversexualized society where sex sells everything, here is a young lady born at the end to the 1990's who is sad that there is no sincere romantic exchange between men and women, just simulated sex on the dance floor. For her to make that comment is very telling of the kind of interaction she has either witnessed or experienced in her young life. A fourteen year old should not have to experience this type of sadness for something so early in her life.  She is not alone, a month earlier another commenter simply said this:
this is my dream prom night.... 

Wow, I am speechless! She said this is what she dreamed of for her prom, she did not speak of her dress, or the limo, or the party, but the essence of  romance she saw in this clip from a 33 year old movie. Is it possible that many  young people are tired of the garbage that has been fed to them in the name of being with the times and having more freedom? While I am sure they are not asking to go back 100 years, it is apparent that they want some of the elements of courtship and romance restored.

It is not just the girls who feel something is missing, young men are expressing the same sorrow. My 22 year old cousin has spoken to me on more than one occasion that he wished girls were more interested in being courted instead of immediately wanting to take the interaction to an "adult" level so soon after meeting. My guess is thinking they know what the guy is probably expecting, they jump the gun not presenting an opportunity for the possibility of something wonderfully different, the chance to be romanced and  they rob the young men who genuinely want the opportunity to express it.

I wonder how long it is going to take for adults/parents to see that not all young people desire to be a friend with benefits. Maybe, just maybe they want to learn about  those so called "old fashioned, out of date" values that are ridiculed by those who are out of touch with what is really important to people.

RETRO-spective: Social graces in courtship and romance.

 "If a gentleman approaches you with words of flattery, and profuse attentions, especially after a short aquaintence, extend no encouraging smile or word; for a flatterer can never be otherwise than an unprofitable companion. It is better by dignified composure, to appear not to notice, than, with smiles and blushes, to disclaim flattery; since these are considered as encouragements for further effusions of these "painted words"

-The Ladies Guide to Perfect Gentility

1856

The translation could not be any more clear! If a guy you barely know "comes on strong", he is up to no good, do not encourage him and ignore his  bull manure! This tidbit of information demonstrates that very little has changed in over 150 years in the relationships between men and women. Men in the 21st century are still trying to flatter women into compromising situations and sadly the "game" seems to have not lost it's power!!!

BUT ladies, you are not off the hook, consider this advice from Louis Martines book of etiquette, 1866:

"Never triffle with the affections of a man who loves you; nor admit of marked attentions from one whose affections you cannot return. Some young ladies pride themselves upon the conquests which they make....let this be far from you. If you see clearly that you have become the the object of especial regard to a gentleman, and do not wish to encourage his addresses, treat him honorably and humanely, as you hope to be used with generosity by the person who may engage your heart."

Again the message is clear, a woman is not to play games with the heart of a man who is interested in her but she is not interested in the man. She is to treat him with respect and be forthright with him considering how she would want to be treated by the man who captures her heart.

I wonder what the world would be like if men and women treated each other well in romantic situations, is it possible there would be fewer broken hearts in the world?