PROFILES IN PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF SOCIAL GRACES

Jackie Kennedy Onasis

If you have been watching the news lately,  there has been alot of backlash regarding a recorded interview with Jackie Kennedy Onasis  where she made some very unflattering statements about some high profile contemporaries in the 1960's. Those comments have made some re-evaluate how they feel about her; a woman that has been held in high regard for many years. While the recorded material cannot be disputed  as it reflected her sentiments at the time and perhaps they were some very unwise things to say given her position as the wife of the president; however, I would like to shift the focus to one thing she was known for;her wisdom in publicly dealing with people.

Jackie had a way of making people around her comfortable. Although well read and up to date on current events, if a someone at an event she was hosting or a guest of shared information on a book she may have already read from cover to cover, she would graciously smile, listen with interest as if she had never heard of the book and thank the person for the recommendation. When her husband was on the campaign trail, Jackie was able to remember the names of numerous mayors and convention delegates and at times recalled details about them that added a personal touch. She was able to address every member of her staff at the white house by their name upon meeting them for the first time. If Jackie disliked a person, the person would never know it in social settings. She would treat the people in her presence as if they were the most important people on the planet. They usually did not discover until much later her true sentiment which was expressed  by keeping a professional distance and even then she would not publicly criticize them.

When it came to clothing, Jackie was an icon of style and the muse of  many high end designers; however, when she went to work at a huge publishing house  as the editor, she kept her style simple  wearing tailored slacks and blouses. She wanted eliminate any sense of intimidation that her staff and co-workers would be sure to possibly encounter working in her presence; she wanted it to be known that she was ready to "roll up her sleeves" and get in the trenches with them if need be; and to meet deadlines she often times did. She instinctively understood that wearing couture to the office and putting on airs would do more to alienate people than bring them together.

Jackie knew that she had a huge following of people who loved and admired her. She and her family were often the recipients of numerous gifts starting from when she was the wife of the president . Some of the gifts were things that she or her family could not safely enjoy (one fan sent her family a cake and another  sent a "portrait " of the family made out of rice crispies) things that had to be destroyed by the secret service. The people never knew the fate of their gifts but Jackie always made sure that their thoughtfulness was appreciated by sending thank you notes. If  Jackie were still alive,in  a public setting, and  received a a bouquet of flowers  that she did not care for, you can best believe she would have graciously thanked the person for their thoughtfulness and disposed of them later without insulting the admirer.

Because of who she was, she often used her influence to assist others. Her son JFK Jr. approached her to assist a friend of his who was a young black woman trying to get an apartment in NewYork  but was met with opposition because of her race. Without batting an eye, Jackie wrote a letter on behalf of the young woman and she got the apartment. In another incident, she called on a friend of hers (a medical philanthropist) to help a sick boy who was the son of a manicurist she was acquainted with. After the boy received the much needed care, she sent her friend a thank you note of gratitude for her generosity. Jackie was wisely resourceful in soliciting assistance from friends to help others, but she always expressed profound gratitude at their generosity never taking them for granted.

Jackie was not perfect, she definitely had shortcomings (and plenty of them) and biogrpahers as well as some friends, foes and family have certainly attested to them in their tell all books, interviews and public statements. Despite these facts, one thing that cannot be disputed, that many other friends, family and foes alike have also admitted, Jackie understood the importance of treating people well, being gracious with those who prove to be a challenge, and fiercely loyal to those those who had earned her love and trust.

If you want the world to adore you, you must take a deep interest in other people. Jackie was full of wonder and enthusiasm- with her, you felt you were the most important person.
-Dr. Deepak Chopra