Monday, August 26, 2013

Use Your words!!! The Abreviation Generation and the lost art of communication




Remember when mothers said "use your words" when kids would not speak clearly? I wonder if we need to  revisit that lesson. Now TV anchors are using abbreviations in their news reports. A sportscaster reporting on an athlete who was suspended said the reason why was because of P.E.D. I know P.E.D stands for performance enhancing drugs, but others might not. Can you imagine a person learning english watching the news trying to figure out what P.E.D. stands for?  PDA in the 90's stood for Personal Digital Assistant, now it means public displays of affection. A  colleague told me she has had to mention to candidates she was interviewing that "lol" does not belong in a resume or a cover letter.  I have a friend who has a colleague, a high school teacher who is at the brink of frustration because he is tired of grading homework papers from students  filled with text language. This generation has become the abbreviation generation where the English language is becoming a hodge podge of acronyms we use when we text and when we talk! God help us all!

Abbreviation communication is becoming a real problem in my opinion. Are we in that much of a rush that we and those we communicate with do not deserve a full conversation? Once in a while a quick abbreviated message in a rush is fine, but as  the norm, I find this completely unacceptable. If you have  more than a sentence or two, pick up the phone, meet up with the person or at the worst send an email (which is just one step above texting as far as I am concerned). I googled  text abbreviations and on some websites there are as many as 4 pages worth and new ones are being created all the time, I cannot keep up! There is even a pop group whose  name is based on a popular text acronym , LMAO  which stands for Laughing My A** Off. Can we go back to the days when groups had  decent sounding names even if it was a state or a city (Kansas, Boston, Chicago),The family name (The Jacksons, The Osmonds, Jonas Brothers), or something safe and fun sounding (Culture Club, The Rolling Stones, The Jets, N'SYNC, One Direction) with real talent, but that is for another discussion. 

The concern I have with  this abbreviation disease is that it is harmful to our communication and social skills. Cris Rowan, a pediatric occupational therapist, States  that our ability to communicate and connect is being greatly affected.

"We're seeing very, very young children being given these devices to soothe them and to entertain them, and it's displacing the connection with the parent," said Rowan. "We're seeing escalating diagnoses of all sorts of mental illness in children. And when we think of what is mental illness -- it's children that aren't happy and aren't well-adjusted."

ABritish neuroscientist warned that Internet use may be rewiring our brains and leading to attention deficits. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder concerns Rowan in addition to the possibility that children are growing up becoming more detached from other people as they grow up.

"As children and parents are attaching more and more to technology, they're detaching from each other, and we know as a species we need to connect," Rowan said. "We're really pack animals. We need to be connected to other human beings. That's just a fact for any living organism; it doesn't do well when it's on its own." 

The ability to manage our own emotions and behavior is being undermined,  as well. 

"These children are not entertaining themselves, they're being entertained by a device so there's no creativity, there's no imagination, no self-initiation," Rowan said. "These things are very, very important for sustainability and your own self-gratification and happiness when you're older."

100 years ago, you had to talk to people face to face as written correspondence could take a long time by mail and was only used when absolutely necessary or they had personal servants to deliver messages, 30-50 years ago, you had to communicate face to face, by phone or in writing and people usually used full complete sentences. Today people break up with their boyfriends/girlfriends, friends, or terminate employment over text message. I recently had an office assignment where the guy who hired me had his assistant notify me by text that my services were no longer needed as they hired a permanent employee for the job, no phone call, no meeting in the office, nothing! (How is that for professional?). Is texting technology creating a group of cowards who cannot deal with human beings face to face anymore?

While abbreviating everything my seem cool, what will this say about us to the rest of the global village? We are becoming more globally connected  we need to present ourselves like we have some common sense! A businessman running a multi million dollar business here or abroad is not going to be looking at someone who cannot communicate in full sentences with clarity and articulation.  LMAO may sound funny when you are 15, but what about as an adult looking for a job or trying to communicate with potential clients for  your business? I also speak to the adults who utilize this form of communication on a regular basis, it is time to go back to basics, we know better!!! I fear for this generation and the older adults who use this as their primary means of communication; they are going to be left behind if they do not take the time to expand their vocabulary and exercise it. Put  down the androids, IPODs IPADS, IPHONES, and  other electronic devices and talk to each other!!! Sometimes the things we have to say will be uncomfortable (like a break up or a job termination), but we owe it to ourselves and those we interact with. Give to others and demand of others the benefit of a full  rich conversation abbreviation free.

Stay connected to your humanity and the humanity of others, tell the whole story, speak in complete sentences, USE YOUR WORDS!



Friday, August 23, 2013

Healthy Competition and Political correctness: What is causing the damage?

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 A recent article reports that a librarian at a New York Library wants to ban a student from participating in a book reading contest because he has won the contest 5 times in a row. The child followed all the rules but the problem according to the librarian is that the other kids get discouraged and drop out. I am deeply disturbed that we are becoming a nation that cannot handle the challenges of healthy competition. In this life we will face competition on one level or another so it would be best if we learned those lessons as early as possible.

The commenters were no better in responding to this story. I found  some of these responses absolutely disgusting! If this child followed the rules, did what he was supposed to do, then he won fair and square. Should he be responsible if  other kids decided to drop out?  He did not bully or threaten them to not read, the decision to drop out lies with them no matter what the  reason. One commenter said that the child should be "Gracious" and step aside and let another kids get a chance to win. Excuse me?? Well welcome to the politically correct generation where if your kid does not  make the cut then we need to get rid of the excelling kid that is standing in his or her way.  Even if we have to try to get them killed like the Texas Cheerleader mom.

When I was this child's age in the late 1970's if you did not win, you tried  again. Our parents did not threaten to shoot someone or sue the school. They did speak up if there were unfair practices going on, but if it was a fair and square loss, we had to suck it up. They let us cry or pout for a moment, then it was time to move on. Nowadays, competition is a bad word,  and if anyone makes our child feel bad about themselves, then we sue the school! We have to give every kid a trophy because after all "everybody is a winner" why? because the silence of somenone's defeat is a sound we cannot bear to hear. In this life we win  and we lose and these parents and some of these commenters have lost touch with that and as a result we have a generation of kids who have no endurance power through setbacks, defeats, and failure. Not winning is a bitter pill to swallow, I understand, really.  One defeat amongst others I have experienced was that I was the first runner-up in the Miss Plus America Pageant a few years ago. I wanted that crown on my head badly! No one practices and prepares to be 1st runner up in anything, you prepare and practice to WIN, but sometimes it is not in the cards and you have to move on. When those times come when you are in the victory circle, victory is sweet, savor the moment fully, but we have to be ready win or lose and be gracious about it.

If an athlete at the Olympics wins in a competition more than once, the Olympic committee does not say to them " well you have to be gracious and step down and let Bulgaria, Russia, and Japan have a shot at it." NOPE Bulgaria and the rest have to keep at it until they place, but in our entitled self serving world, our solution in dealing with defeat  when  theere is a kid ahead  of our kid in the bike race of life is to get rid of  the other kid by trying to get them disqualified, accuse him of using steroids, cheating, having a better bike, flatten their tires, etc.  to get him  or her out of the way by any means necessary. It seems today that many parents would rather dole out blame than hold their child to a higher standard of excellence. The better way to help our kids  is to help them prepare and practice harder to win in their own right and win or lose display good sportsmanship in the process.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Respectable Disagreements: Can we agree to disagree?



Many people criticize the president harshly. They criticize from every side, but most of the people who criticize don't even participate fully in the political process. And almost nobody realizes how difficult it is to negotiate with people who have a hundreds of conflicting demands that all represent AMERICA. WE are AMERICA. Only we can make the changes that we seek. No president can or ever has been able to make changes on completely his own. Its never possible to please all the people all the time. If we disagree with our president, it should be done with respect, the same respect that we hope to receive ourselves, no matter what our particular views happen to be.
-Gabriel Angelo, Age 14

Gabriel With President Obama
The statement above was expressed by a talented young musician who has met the President in person and had the opportunity to perform for him. There were those who chalked up his statement to his being young, idealistic and not of age to vote to really understand what politics are really about. You do not have to be an adult with tons of votes under your belt to recognize the importance of respecting one another, even when you do not agree. I found Gabriel's statement well expressed and expressed with a wisdom and insight well beyond his years, a mature viewpoint I do not see in many adults these days.



This post is not in favor of or against the President, leader or any political affiliation, but to address the importance to respect people in positions of leadership. Respect does not mean  agreement, it simply means  we respect the position they hold while we do not adhere to their views or convictions. Any of us who have held or holds a position of influence be it as a parent, teacher, pastor, office manager, congressman, etc. knows it is not easy to lead and make decisions that will benefit people at large. To be under the constant scrutiny of people criticizing every move you make, leveling insults and put downs are never considering the impact of their words and/or actions.



Another colleague of mine mentioned that leaders set the example by the way they treat other leaders and I could not agree more. When you are in a position of influence, people are watching you, they will many times follow your lead and any action or deed can be taken out of context and grossly mis-understood. I recall the photograph of Arizona Governor Jan Brewer that went viral of her pointed finger in the face of the President. To this day it was not made clear what the exchange was really about in that moment though there has been much speculation, but once the photo went viral,  there were some people all too happy to "high five" the governor for what they perceived to be her "putting him in his place". Some also expressed disappointment at the gesture and did not support it at all. Gov Brewer has stressed over and over that she would never disrespect the office of the President, but the body language captured in that photo seemed to give a different impression and some people the permission to support their perceived sentiment whether it was true or not whether it was right or not.

Our body language speaks louder than our words!


I am appalled at the horrible treatment I see people give those in leadership local, national, or global and those who do not agree with their views. Social media has become a cheap way for people  to do expensive damage to people's name and reputation all  in the name of free speech. I do not believe that freedom of speech was implemented to that we could attack and slander people we do dislike or disagree with. It was platform by which people were given the privilege to speak  and to disagree respectfully without fear of retaliation or punishment. Sadly many have set themselves up as judge,jury, and executioner in the court of public opinion to do it to others and the ramifications are far reaching way beyond the printed page of old. Now it is around the world in a matter of seconds thanks to the internet!

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Gabriel made a profound statement, "We are all America" in that all inclusive statement, that means we all have different views and experiences. The child raised in a single parent home is going to see life differently than the child raised in a two parent home. The man who has lived a life of advantage  and privilege will see the world differently than a man who has to work 60 hour weeks just to make rent and bills for his family. A Black , White, Asian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern, etc. all see life from a different perspective so of course what is important to us is going to vary yet we expect those in charge to view the world from our unique standpoint, it does not work that way. We have to leave room for other people to see things differently, (this does not include the clear boundaries of right and wrong  such as lying,stealing, cheating,  killing, etc.) and respect their perspective on matters of importance.


 If we disagree with our president, it should be done with respect, the same respect that we hope to receive ourselves, no matter what our particular views happen to be.

The final part of Gabriel's statement voices the very essence of what etiquette and social graces should be about and that is  the golden rule, treating others as we would want to be treated. He also drew attention to the fact that if we want to see change, we have to take responsibility and  work together respectfully to obtain it.  We all want respect  even if others do not  always agree with us, should we not afford others the same privilege without insult, ridicule or disrespect where it is rightfully merited?

Monday, May 27, 2013

I am back! Happy Memorial Day!

My apologies for the 3 month absence, I have been busy teaching classes, but I am back  and my first course of action is to express gratitude our military for their service and to those who gave their lives for me and everyone who lives on American soil.Having to fight for freedom or to keep it is never easy. I am grateful to those who serve. My mother served with the Marines from 1966-1970, my uncle served in the Army and the Navy, and my grandfather served in the Navy during WWII so it is a family affair for me and I am blessed to have the blood of these brave men and women running in my veins.

Speaking of gratitude, there is an organization called OPERATION TROOP APPRECIATION which works to send requested supplies to our troops overseas. They send the things that the troops specifically ask for in an effort to make their time of serving a little easier. People from all over the country fill the requests in gratitude for their service. Kristen Holloway, founder and President of Operation Troop Appreciation in  March 2004 volunteered to provide Under Armour® t-shirts to a local Pennsylvania National Guard platoon (1/107 FA, Alpha Company 759 MP) of 38 soldiers deployed in Iraq. From that outreach this organization was birthed and the line of support has  increased to help more and more soliders benefit from the outpouring of love and support that many have volunteered to give to those who serve.

The wonderful thing about expressing generosity to others is that it many times rewards us in ways  we do not expect. Ms. Halloway met her future husband who was amongst the soliders that were receiving the care packages from her organization and they have been happily married for a few years now. An act of gratitude led to matrimony!

This is one of many organizations that have committed themselves to say thank you in so many ways to those who have served and continue to serve our country, please consider lending your support. If you see a solider, say thank you, offer to buy him or her a meal or some gesture of appreciation. I remember being on a bus and a solider was seated near me. When my stop came, before I got off, I turned and said, "thank you", he said "no problem ma'am" with a smile. I had no care package for him but the least I could do is show a little gratitude and we all can do the same.



Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Comedy, Satire, Freedom of Speech, and degrading a minor; when is enough, enough?

  Quvenzhane' Wallis- 2013  

Academy Award Best Actress Nominee 

and The youngest nominee in history

 

Ok I am familiar with the online publication "The Onion" and it's reputation for it's biting commentary and envelope pushing satire. I admit I did not actively follow their activity, until a particular statement posted on their twitter account ast night made me take notice (and not in a good way). It seems one of their writers got the bright idea that it would be funny to call 9 year old Academy Award best actress nominee Quvenshane' Wallis the c word (a vulgar word for a woman's private parts). What followed was a flood of outrage from the public, including some celebrities causing the powers that be to quickly pull the tweet and hastily issue an apology.  In the midst of the powers that be doing damage control, some of the former writers for The Onion felt differently and one of the editors in particular had this to say:

"‪It shows they don't have faith in the writers, or in their public. ‬It looks worse that they took [the tweet] down," one former Onion editor, Joe Garden, told BuzzFeed.
"My reaction was, 'It wasn't a great joke, but big deal,'" Garden said. "I saw where they were going, and the commentary was about the media construct and the Oscar hype in general. But the tweet was shocking for the sake of shocking, but I think that [taking it down] was not the way to handle it."


I am appalled that people can be so cavalier about leveling a derogatory comment (and a sexual one at that) at a child and their emotional reaction is not one of regret or remorse, but anger at the heads of the company for taking measures to issue an apology and make amends.  Then to add insult to injury they level the accusation that  the company heads do not trust their writers enough to let such a scathing comment stand. The truth is, is that they misread their audience and were not prepared for the backlash.The concept of humor and satire is not lost on me, but there are times when the line has been crossed, and people need to be called on it and this is clearly one of those times. There is nothing funny about what was said and Miss Wallis was owed an apology even if the originator of this insult was unwilling to give it.  I applaud Mr. Hannah for issuing the following statement (in the name of damage control, I know) in response to such a disrespectful action:

Feb. 25, 2013
Dear Readers,
On behalf of The Onion, I offer my personal apology to Quvenzhané Wallis and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for the tweet that was circulated last night during the Oscars. It was crude and offensive—not to mention inconsistent with The Onion’s commitment to parody and satire, however biting. No person should be subjected to such a senseless, humorless comment masquerading as satire. The tweet was taken down within an hour of publication. We have instituted new and tighter Twitter procedures to ensure that this kind of mistake does not occur again. In addition, we are taking immediate steps to discipline those individuals responsible. Miss Wallis, you are young and talented and deserve better. All of us at The Onion are deeply sorry.
Sincerely,
Steve Hannah
CEO
The Onion


 Quvenzhane' and Ben Affleck



I grew up listening to different comedians and their material ranged from safe to edgy. I have heard them use heads of state, famous people, infamous people, for their comedic material,but never once did I ever hear any of them use such a remark against any of the people they cracked jokes on and NEVER directed any of it at a child. As Mr. Hannah stated, she is a talented young girl, she does deserve better and she deserves to be respected! Its crass, irresponsible behavior like this that makes me wish the Hayes Office was still around because they held people to a certain standard. By today's standard the Hayes Office would probably seem too strict for the taste of many. That may be true but they held people accountable for their behavior for morality sake, something that is sorely lacking today unless a lawsuit is involved. One comedy writer  from that era said that he actually learned to appreciate the Hayes Office because it made him a better writer. It does not take a brilliant mind to be vile and disgusting, anybody can do that, but to be genuinely funny without being degrading to anyone is truly a gift and it can be done, the lasting power of  shows like"I love Lucy" and comedians like Bill Cosby is proof of that.


The fact of the matter is, that these people do not know her, so how can they be so disrespectful is beyond me. The freedom of speech that the founding fathers of this country spoke of  was not so that adult men and women could use that freedom to insult and belittle a child (or anyone) in hopes to get a laugh in the name of being edgy. It was given so that people could speak the truth with out fear and I can safely say that calling Quvenzhane' the c word is not the truth. 

I also applaud the celebrities and the public at large for speaking up and letting these writers know that their "humor" was not acceptable and your voice made them remove that tweet within an hour of being posted. The writers assumed because in times past that their audience laughed with them,  that anything goes and they can say and do anything without consequence, you suggested otherwise. You represented what "freedom of  speech" is truly about  and that is to not only stand for truth, but to speak up for those who are being attacked by those who use their "freedom" to speak to harm or inflict injury on others. If we continue to speak out, then maybe these writers will finally get the message that while freedom of speech is respected, the abuse of that freedom will not be tolerated.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Pollyanna Revisited - Playing the Glad Game







This year  is the 100 year anniversary of the book Pollyanna. To call someone a Pollyanna in this day and time is to label them a naive optimist. If you read the story,  Pollyanna was nothing of the like. An orphan living with a cold and distant aunt, Pollyanna was an intuitive child who learned the art of gratitude  through the "Glad Game", a game her father taught her before he died. She suffered alot of loss in her young life so she was not immune to pain, but through finding reasons to be glad she was able to keep gloom at bay and teach by example the townspeople that their lives were filled with more blessings than they realized. She  fell short and succumbed to human weakness in her ability to always be glad, but  more times than not she prevailed. It was a deliberate choice to be glad and not trust her feelings.

I suggest we all recapture our childlike hearts and play the glad game every day. It is simply declaring the things big or small that make you grateful. It could be a promotion at work, a cup of tea, a warm sunny day, just be glad! We all have something to be glad for. I suggest we also openly express gratitude to others for what they have contributed to our lives.  Did you know that according to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, one of reasons Rabbis, Ministers, Pastors, etc. experience burnout because of the lack of gratitude from those they serve. The  daily practice of gratitude is not just for us, but for others.

                                                           What are you glad for?