Respectable Disagreements: Can we agree to disagree?

Many people criticize the president harshly. They criticize from every side, but most of the people who criticize don't even participate fully in the political process. And almost nobody realizes how difficult it is to negotiate with people who have a hundreds of conflicting demands that all represent AMERICA. WE are AMERICA. Only we can make the changes that we seek. No president can or ever has been able to make changes on completely his own. Its never possible to please all the people all the time. If we disagree with our president, it should be done with respect, the same respect that we hope to receive ourselves, no matter what our particular views happen to be.

-Gabriel Angelo, Age 14

Gabriel With President Obama

The statement above was expressed by a talented young musician who has met the President in person and had the opportunity to perform for him. There were those who chalked up his statement to his being young, idealistic and not of age to vote to really understand what politics are really about. You do not have to be an adult with tons of votes under your belt to recognize the importance of respecting one another, even when you do not agree. I found Gabriel's statement well expressed and expressed with a wisdom and insight well beyond his years, a mature viewpoint I do not see in many adults these days.



This post is not in favor of or against the President, leader or any political affiliation, but to address the importance to respect people in positions of leadership. Respect does not mean  agreement, it simply means  we respect the position they hold while we do not adhere to their views or convictions. Any of us who have held or holds a position of influence be it as a parent, teacher, pastor, office manager, congressman, etc. knows it is not easy to lead and make decisions that will benefit people at large. To be under the constant scrutiny of people criticizing every move you make, leveling insults and put downs are never considering the impact of their words and/or actions.

Another colleague of mine mentioned that leaders set the example by the way they treat other leaders and I could not agree more. When you are in a position of influence, people are watching you, they will many times follow your lead and any action or deed can be taken out of context and grossly mis-understood. I recall the photograph of Arizona Governor Jan Brewer that went viral of her pointed finger in the face of the President. To this day it was not made clear what the exchange was really about in that moment though there has been much speculation, but once the photo went viral,  there were some people all too happy to "high five" the governor for what they perceived to be her "putting him in his place". Some also expressed disappointment at the gesture and did not support it at all. Gov Brewer has stressed over and over that she would never disrespect the office of the President, but the body language captured in that photo seemed to give a different impression and some people the permission to support their perceived sentiment whether it was true or not whether it was right or not.

Our body language speaks louder than our words!

I am appalled at the horrible treatment I see people give those in leadership local, national, or global and those who do not agree with their views. Social media has become a cheap way for people  to do expensive damage to people's name and reputation all  in the name of free speech. I do not believe that freedom of speech was implemented to that we could attack and slander people we do dislike or disagree with. It was platform by which people were given the privilege to speak  and to disagree respectfully without fear of retaliation or punishment. Sadly many have set themselves up as judge,jury, and executioner in the court of public opinion to do it to others and the ramifications are far reaching way beyond the printed page of old. Now it is around the world in a matter of seconds thanks to the internet!

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Gabriel made a profound statement, "We are all America" in that all inclusive statement, that means we all have different views and experiences. The child raised in a single parent home is going to see life differently than the child raised in a two parent home. The man who has lived a life of advantage  and privilege will see the world differently than a man who has to work 60 hour weeks just to make rent and bills for his family. A Black , White, Asian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern, etc. all see life from a different perspective so of course what is important to us is going to vary yet we expect those in charge to view the world from our unique standpoint, it does not work that way. We have to leave room for other people to see things differently, (this does not include the clear boundaries of right and wrong  such as lying,stealing, cheating,  killing, etc.) and respect their perspective on matters of importance.

 If we disagree with our president, it should be done with respect, the same respect that we hope to receive ourselves, no matter what our particular views happen to be.

The final part of Gabriel's statement voices the very essence of what etiquette and social graces should be about and that is  the golden rule, treating others as we would want to be treated. He also drew attention to the fact that if we want to see change, we have to take responsibility and  work together respectfully to obtain it.  We all want respect  even if others do not  always agree with us, should we not afford others the same privilege without insult, ridicule or disrespect where it is rightfully merited?

I am back! Happy Memorial Day!

My apologies for the 3 month absence, I have been busy teaching classes, but I am back  and my first course of action is to express gratitude our military for their service and to those who gave their lives for me and everyone who lives on American soil.Having to fight for freedom or to keep it is never easy. I am grateful to those who serve. My mother served with the Marines from 1966-1970, my uncle served in the Army and the Navy, and my grandfather served in the Navy during WWII so it is a family affair for me and I am blessed to have the blood of these brave men and women running in my veins.

Speaking of gratitude, there is an organization called OPERATION TROOP APPRECIATION which works to send requested supplies to our troops overseas. They send the things that the troops specifically ask for in an effort to make their time of serving a little easier. People from all over the country fill the requests in gratitude for their service. Kristen Holloway, founder and President of Operation Troop Appreciation in  March 2004 volunteered to provide Under Armour® t-shirts to a local Pennsylvania National Guard platoon (1/107 FA, Alpha Company 759 MP) of 38 soldiers deployed in Iraq. From that outreach this organization was birthed and the line of support has  increased to help more and more soliders benefit from the outpouring of love and support that many have volunteered to give to those who serve.

The wonderful thing about expressing generosity to others is that it many times rewards us in ways  we do not expect. Ms. Halloway met her future husband who was amongst the soliders that were receiving the care packages from her organization and they have been happily married for a few years now. An act of gratitude led to matrimony!

This is one of many organizations that have committed themselves to say thank you in so many ways to those who have served and continue to serve our country, please consider lending your support. If you see a solider, say thank you, offer to buy him or her a meal or some gesture of appreciation. I remember being on a bus and a solider was seated near me. When my stop came, before I got off, I turned and said, "thank you", he said "no problem ma'am" with a smile. I had no care package for him but the least I could do is show a little gratitude and we all can do the same.

Comedy, Satire, Freedom of Speech, and degrading a minor; when is enough, enough?

  Quvenzhane' Wallis- 2013  

Academy Award Best Actress Nominee 

and The youngest nominee in history

 

Ok I am familiar with the online publication "The Onion" and it's reputation for it's biting commentary and envelope pushing satire. I admit I did not actively follow their activity, until a particular statement posted on their twitter account ast night made me take notice (and not in a good way). It seems one of their writers got the bright idea that it would be funny to call 9 year old Academy Award best actress nominee Quvenshane' Wallis the c word (a vulgar word for a woman's private parts). What followed was a flood of outrage from the public, including some celebrities causing the powers that be to quickly pull the tweet and hastily issue an apology.  In the midst of the powers that be doing damage control, some of the former writers for The Onion felt differently and one of the editors in particular had this to say:

"‪It shows they don't have faith in the writers, or in their public. ‬It looks worse that they took [the tweet] down," one former Onion editor, Joe Garden, told BuzzFeed.
"My reaction was, 'It wasn't a great joke, but big deal,'" Garden said. "I saw where they were going, and the commentary was about the media construct and the Oscar hype in general. But the tweet was shocking for the sake of shocking, but I think that [taking it down] was not the way to handle it."

I am appalled that people can be so cavalier about leveling a derogatory comment (and a sexual one at that) at a child and their emotional reaction is not one of regret or remorse, but anger at the heads of the company for taking measures to issue an apology and make amends.  Then to add insult to injury they level the accusation that  the company heads do not trust their writers enough to let such a scathing comment stand. The truth is, is that they misread their audience and were not prepared for the backlash.The concept of humor and satire is not lost on me, but there are times when the line has been crossed, and people need to be called on it and this is clearly one of those times. There is nothing funny about what was said and Miss Wallis was owed an apology even if the originator of this insult was unwilling to give it.  I applaud Mr. Hannah for issuing the following statement (in the name of damage control, I know) in response to such a disrespectful action:

Feb. 25, 2013

Dear Readers,
On behalf of The Onion, I offer my personal apology to Quvenzhané Wallis and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for the tweet that was circulated last night during the Oscars. It was crude and offensive—not to mention inconsistent with The Onion’s commitment to parody and satire, however biting. No person should be subjected to such a senseless, humorless comment masquerading as satire. The tweet was taken down within an hour of publication. We have instituted new and tighter Twitter procedures to ensure that this kind of mistake does not occur again. In addition, we are taking immediate steps to discipline those individuals responsible. Miss Wallis, you are young and talented and deserve better. All of us at The Onion are deeply sorry.
Sincerely,
Steve Hannah
CEO
The Onion

 Quvenzhane' and Ben Affleck

I grew up listening to different comedians and their material ranged from safe to edgy. I have heard them use heads of state, famous people, infamous people, for their comedic material,but never once did I ever hear any of them use such a remark against any of the people they cracked jokes on and NEVER directed any of it at a child. As Mr. Hannah stated, she is a talented young girl, she does deserve better and she deserves to be respected! Its crass, irresponsible behavior like this that makes me wish the Hayes Office was still around because they held people to a certain standard. By today's standard the Hayes Office would probably seem too strict for the taste of many. That may be true but they held people accountable for their behavior for morality sake, something that is sorely lacking today unless a lawsuit is involved. One comedy writer  from that era said that he actually learned to appreciate the Hayes Office because it made him a better writer. It does not take a brilliant mind to be vile and disgusting, anybody can do that, but to be genuinely funny without being degrading to anyone is truly a gift and it can be done, the lasting power of  shows like"I love Lucy" and comedians like Bill Cosby is proof of that.


The fact of the matter is, that these people do not know her, so how can they be so disrespectful is beyond me. The freedom of speech that the founding fathers of this country spoke of  was not so that adult men and women could use that freedom to insult and belittle a child (or anyone) in hopes to get a laugh in the name of being edgy. It was given so that people could speak the truth with out fear and I can safely say that calling Quvenzhane' the c word is not the truth. 

I also applaud the celebrities and the public at large for speaking up and letting these writers know that their "humor" was not acceptable and your voice made them remove that tweet within an hour of being posted. The writers assumed because in times past that their audience laughed with them,  that anything goes and they can say and do anything without consequence, you suggested otherwise. You represented what "freedom of  speech" is truly about  and that is to not only stand for truth, but to speak up for those who are being attacked by those who use their "freedom" to speak to harm or inflict injury on others. If we continue to speak out, then maybe these writers will finally get the message that while freedom of speech is respected, the abuse of that freedom will not be tolerated.

Pollyanna Revisited - Playing the Glad Game

This year  is the 100 year anniversary of the book Pollyanna. To call someone a Pollyanna in this day and time is to label them a naive optimist. If you read the story,  Pollyanna was nothing of the like. An orphan living with a cold and distant aunt, Pollyanna was an intuitive child who learned the art of gratitude  through the "Glad Game", a game her father taught her before he died. She suffered alot of loss in her young life so she was not immune to pain, but through finding reasons to be glad she was able to keep gloom at bay and teach by example the townspeople that their lives were filled with more blessings than they realized. She  fell short and succumbed to human weakness in her ability to always be glad, but  more times than not she prevailed. It was a deliberate choice to be glad and not trust her feelings.

I suggest we all recapture our childlike hearts and play the glad game every day. It is simply declaring the things big or small that make you grateful. It could be a promotion at work, a cup of tea, a warm sunny day, just be glad! We all have something to be glad for. I suggest we also openly express gratitude to others for what they have contributed to our lives.  Did you know that according to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, one of reasons Rabbis, Ministers, Pastors, etc. experience burnout because of the lack of gratitude from those they serve. The  daily practice of gratitude is not just for us, but for others.

                                                           What are you glad for?

Modesty at the Grammy Awards

Rhianna at the 2013 Grammys

 Modesty at the Grammy Awards

 Memo from the CBS office:

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible "puffy" bare skin exposure. Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera. 

When I read this, I was relieved that finally some standards are being required of these entertainers when they attend the Grammys (I hope it will be a standard for all the award shows going forward)   I have seen on the red carpet more than I would I like of half naked women in the name of so called cutting edge sexiness. What I find disturbing about this scenario is that CBS had to send out a memo in the first place to a group of adults who should know better. Certainly no one is asking  these celebrities to dress like nuns, but why is being one step from naked a necessity?

Jennifer Lopez at the 2000 Grammys

Dressing tastefully is to me a sign of self respect is not only to yourself, but a sign that you respect those around you. You may be comfortable with your body, but not everyone is comfortable with seeing so much of it.

Jennifer Lopez at the 2013 Grammys 

I think that to be dressed with a touch of modesty is not a sentence to be dowdy but it speaks of elegance and class when you are properly covered. It is not necessary to announce you have legs and breasts by the lack of fabric or sheer see through fabrics believe me, people  already know you do.

Adele in a cute floral number at the 2013 Grammys

Adele in Armani at the 2012 Grammys LOVE IT!

I wonder what has happened over the years to where  some celebrities have lost their sense of restraint to where  they live by the standard that whatever you can get away with you say it, wear it, or you do it. I miss the days where celebrities on the red carpet be it acting or music carried themselves with a sense of style and polish. Why? because they understood anything less was unacceptable and they did not need a memo from the head of any studio or tv network to tell them so.

Dorothy Dandridge at Carmen Jones Premiere

Clark Gable and Grace Kelly

Dressing appropriately for the occasion, is not just for the celebrities but for their audience as well.  With millions of people all over the world watching them, would it not be in their best interest to put their best foot forward? Especially with young impressionable children also watching how they carry themselves in the eyes of the public. In reviewing  some of the red carpet footage, some of the celebrities clearly disregarded the memo in the name of self expression.

Katy Perry in a peek a boo dress

 My question is still why is it necessary? Many of these celebrities are talented, award winning not to mention beautiful/handsome singers and songwriters who do not need to objectify themselves or is this what the public demands of them and they feel the need to comply in the name of staying "current"? Either way, I applaud CBS for taking this step to try to  make watching an award show a pleasant experience. I know part of the reason is to avoid lawsuits ( remember Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction?), but it still speaks how important  a little modesty is for the sake of all.

Gaming Ettiquette

I admit the pinnacle  of my video game skills peaked at Pac Man (Google it youngsters). I have been informed however that video games have evolved to rival major motion pictures including a rating system. Gamers can also play with other gamers online around the world. With this global village to available to test your skill level, there are bound to be some toes stepped on and so again rules must be implemented to keep the playing field civil, no matter how much your game mate in Sri Lanka is annoying you  by rubbing their latest victory in your face.



1. Play Fair
Don't cheat, if you want to win, sharpen your skill level until you do.


2. Be A Good Sport
Win or lose be a gracious victor or opponent.


3.  Save the Caps for the dentist
  It's the text equivalent of yelling at everyone, keep it lower case.

4. You Were a Noob (newbie) Too
Learning  a new game and getting familiar  with all the details can be unsettling no matter what your skill level. Joe Cocker said he can get by with a little help from his friends, lend a hand and help the new player get up to speed instead of giving them the scarlet letter of "noob" and giving them the brush off. After all isn't a game more fun when all the players present a challenge? Makes for good game playing if you ask me.


 5. There is no "I" in Team
Yes it is an over used cliche' but still holds true. If you are playing as part of a team, keep it that way, every persons participation is important.

6. Don't Be a Quitter
Unless the enviroment is toxic, don't run at the first sign of defeat, keep playing and if you find that you keep losing the battle, enlist the help of a fellow gamer to address your vulnerabilities. Sometimes we are completely unaware of our blind spots.

7. Insults

No matter how well you conduct yourself, there is always someone who likes to hit below the belt. When someone insults you, the best thing to do  is to ignore them. If the insults continue, most chat and voice systems have 'ignore' functions that enable you to block them. Returning the insults  only escalates the situation and has the potential to poison your connection with other gamers in your cyber circle. If you ignore them and they continue the abuse, others will quickly recognize where the source of trouble is.
 
8. Enjoy the Game

It is simple as that, enjoy yourself. That is what  you are there for, to have a good time. Don't let your fun be drained away by becoming obsessed with the game.


With these suggestions in mind, I wish you happy gaming!

Profiles In Manners and Public Displays of Social Graces

Scotty Maloney (Center)

I usually profile icons in history, but this story is too precious to pass up. Jesse Cooper, Drew Gibbs and Zeke Grissom were all nominated for Homecoming King at their high school in Tennessee. They decided that no matter who won, they would bestow the honor to their fellow classmate Scotty Maloney, who has Williams Syndrome, a neurological disorder that affects learning and speech.



"I've been blessed with so many things," Cooper told ABC News' Nashville affiliate WKRN-TV. "I just wanted Scotty to experience something great in his high school days."

"He's always happy, so he deserves some recognition for who he is," Gibbs said.

Scotty (Center) with Jesse Cooper, Drew Gibbs and Zeke Grissom and another classmate.

When Scotty's name was announced at the ceremony, he received a standing ovation as the medal was placed around his neck. This story was a beautiful example of how to treat others. These young men saw this as an opportunity to give to  publicly honor a fellow classmate  and treat him like "one of the guys" .

Scotty's teacher Liz Hestle Gassaway felt this selfless act by these three young men set a wonderful  example that others would be wise to follow. "We want people to have more empathy towards people, not be scared of people with disabilities," she said. "We want them to embrace them, more like the boys did."

Scotty proudly shows off his medal as Homecoming King

Actions like these make me proud to know that not everyone in this generation has succumbed to the abyss of reality television and the sometimes mindless social media. Kudos to these outstanding young men!