Table Setting Tuesday: White House Table Setting

 Official Dinner for Australian Prime Minister John Howard and his wife Janette Howard 

May 16, 2006

Clinton State Service, ivory with a gold trim, was commissioned to commemorate the 200th anniversary of the White House.

The Candelabra was made by Paul Storr, one of the foremost silversmiths of the Regency period, once belonged to the Dukes of Hamilton. Gifted to the White House in l963. The set of  eight, l898-l899, Providence, Rhode Island, made by Gorham Mfg. Co. The United States government purchased these candelabra during the administration of President William McKinley. President McKinley used these candelabra for a gala dinner in September l899 for Admiral George Dewey, hero of the Spanish-American War.

The floral arrangements are  hot pink hydrangeas, variegated pink and white floribunda roses and blush-colored lisianthus. Pistachio-colored silk dupioni tablecloths cover each table.

From the White House Archives official website

For Crying out Loud

 

 

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use. ~Emily Post

Chinese New Year Etiquette

The Lunar New Year holiday is celebrated by many Asian cultures.  It is usually celebrated over a minimum three-day period to about fifteen days surrounding the first full moon of the year. Festivities begin the day before the full moon, the day of the full moon, and the day following the full moon.

The following are some of the practices that the Chinese community  in particular observe in preparation for the arrival of the new year:

1.      Settle  all debts before the new year. The goal of settling ones debts is to begin the New Year with a clean slate  and to have sufficient funds available to provide all that will be needed to ensure a joyus celebration  will be had by all.
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2.      A thorough house cleaning. This is done before the new year to make sure that you do not sweep away any good luck.

3.      Use special paper greetings, flowers, and fruits to decorate your home.  Greeting cards and good luck symbols are tied on a blooming tree along with an abundance of fragrant flowers and fruits.  It is believed the more abundant the tree is with these  beautiful items, the more good luck the family will experience in the New Year

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4.      New clothes for the New Year. This signified starting the new year off with a clean slate. ( the color red is considered a lucky color)

5.      Celebrating the new year is a family affair with plenty of food and drink. This time is used to heal and reconcile and strengthen relationships as we transition into the New Year. Make sure all your favorite dishes, plus a few traditional are in abundance. Running water during the first day in the New Year is frowned upon because doing so denies  the earth and water a day of rest.

6.      Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to all! Everyone becomes a year older with the New Year, no matter when your birthday is celebrated . Give children red “Lai See” envelopes with “good luck” money inside. This tradition is also used for many other festive occasions, in lieu of modern gift-giving practices. (Instructions for Lai See Etiquette are listed below)

7.      Honor Your Ancestors. Have photos of family members and loved ones on display that have passed away.  It is unfortunate they cannot be there in person with you, so honor them by holding them in remembrance.

8.      Cook, Cook, Cook, And Cook some more!  As your favorite places may be closed on New Years Day, because others in the Asian community are also celebrating, make sure you have plenty of food to last three days!

9.      Visit family, friends and build new friendships. The first day in the New Year is spent with your immediate family, the second day is often spent with good friends and special guests.  Modern traditions dictate that the third day be spent celebrating  with teachers and business associates.This is also a great opportunity to create new friendships and start the new year off together.

10.  Pay significant attention to your actions. Recognize  the first acts you perform in the New Year. Displays of anger, lying, raising your voice, indecent language and breaking anything during the first three days of the New Year is forbidden, especially the first day.

Hopefully these tips will help you celebrate with your friends in the Asian community and enjoy the wonderful traditions that accompany them.

新年快樂

Happy New Year!

Lai See Etiquette (From Geo Expat.com)

During Chinese New Year, and stretching into the following week, you may notice a flurry of red envelopes being exchanged almost everywhere you go. These fancy little red envelopes, called "lai see", are packets that contain good luck money. Giving lai see to people is a big part of Chinese New Year celebrations, so you don't want to miss out on giving (or receiving!) them in the following couple of weeks.

But giving lai see is not like handing out candy to children on Halloween (unless you're one of those grumps who don't like giving treats to the kids without costumes). There's a set of rules you have to abide by when giving out lai see.

Locals give out lai see like it's second nature to them, but in fact, there are different amounts distinguished for different people and people with different marital statuses and also people with different job positions. Starting to feel a little weary about this whole business? You'll get the hang of it once you understand proper lai see etiquette.

Lai see is bestowed from "big to small", "old to young", and "senior to junior". For example, if you are the boss or manager, you should give lai see to your employees. If you live in an apartment complex with its own management staff, you should give lai see to your security guard, cleaners, and doorman. Married couples also give to their single, younger relatives, and may give two lai see packets to each recipient (one from each spouse). If you are unmarried, you will usually only need to give one packet to each recipient.

You don't have to give lai see to everyone you know, but keep in mind that there is a chance you may forget somebody. People usually bring a pile of red envelopes with them whenever they go out, just in case they might bump into someone accidentally (and since this is Hong Kong, you probably w ill). It's best to keep a mixture of $10, $20, $50, and $100 envelopes on you to be ready at all times.The amount you put in the lai see is up to you, Use this handy guide to avoid any lai see faux-pas! Don’t forget to give and receive with both hands as this is regarded as a sign of courtesy. Also, never let children give out lai sees to older folk or service staff – this is considered insulting.

Who?	How Much?
Security guard / door man / building management team / cleaning staff	$20 - $50 per person, more if you’re in a smaller building with a single guard/cleaner
Helper / driver	$100 (for part-time helpers) - $500
Staff (if you’re the boss)	$50 - $500
Colleagues and friends	$20 - $100
Waitress or waiter/ barista / anyone who serves you regularly	$20 - $50
Hairdresser, manicurist, massage therapist, etc.	$50 - $100

My Apologies for the 7 month Absence

My sincerest apologies for the long absence. Due to illness and a personal emergency, I have not been able to submit regular blog posts. I have returned with new posts and information to share. Thank you for your patience.

-Demita

Manners Monday: A.R.K- Act of Real Kindness

On a flight from Detroit to Los Angeles, actress Amy Adams quietly gave her first-class seat to an American serviceman who had been booked in coach.

Jemele Hill , co-host of ESPN2's Numbers Never Lie tweeted about Ms. Adams act of kindness with quickly went viral.

"I just thought it was incredibly classy and thoughtful," Hill said. "I already was a fan of hers, but now I'm a bigger one after today,"

And so am I, Kudos to you Amy for making one solider's ride to his destination a more comfortable one.

For Crying Out Loud

 

I think if you want to be edgy and counterculture now, just have manners and etiquette. It will blow people away. Sad but true.

 

-Aundrea Love

Vintage Model

CrowdFunding Weddings: A New Trend?

Crowdfunding or Crowdsourcing is a new trend  that people are utilizing to raise money for various causes both public and personal. People set up an account on a crowdfunding website stating what the money is needed for and how much they need. People can donate anywhere from a dollar up to funding the entire project. While fundraising is nothing new, this new trend makes it easier to source funds without going to a bank, having  a non-profit standing, etc. and is especially popular with entrepreneurs with a start-up business venture, independent filmmakers wanting to get their movies and/or documentaries funded, people raising money for someone with a serious illness, I even saw one young woman trying to raise money for her education overseas and the list goes on. However with every new idea, there is room for the possibility of crossing the line over into  the grey area leading to misuse.

A friend shared with me that a couple she knew was crowdfunding  their wedding. The guests have an option of chipping in to help pay for parts of the wedding in lieu of gifts.One option was to pay for several meals, like for 40 dollars you could pay for the meal of seven guests. There were other options available on their wedding webpage. I found  this approach not only  to be inappropriate but downright tacky. Some disagreed with me and felt it was an original idea, but many shared my sentiment on the matter and felt it should not be done.When you have a wedding celebration and you invite people, outside of a gift (which is not obligatory), they should not have to pay for anything! that responsibility falls on those who are hosting  the event.

Returning to American wedding tradition, I decided review who is responsible for the expenses of a wedding, because after all, these things do need to be paid for by someone. I found the following list in Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Eitquette (1957 edition):

EXPENSES OF THE BRIDES PARENTS 

1. Engraved invitations and announcements 

2. The bridal outfit and, though it is no longer expected, the costumes of the 

3. bride's attendants  (if money is no object) 

 4. Bridal photographs 
 
5. The bridal consultant and social secretary, if needed 
6. The bride's trousseau 
7. The household trousseau 
8. All the cost of the reception 
9. Flowers for the reception 

10. Flowers for the bride and her attendants (but see "Groom's Expenses") 
11. Music at the church and at the reception 
12.Sexton's and organist's fee. Choir fee 
13. Carpets, ribbons, awnings, tents anything of the kind often rented for large 

Weddings and Receptions 
14. A limousine for the bride, at least, and other cars for the transportation of 
the bridal party to and from church 

15. A wedding gift of substance, usually silver 

Groom's Expenses 

1. The wedding ring 

2. The marriage license 

3. The bride's flowers (the bridal bouquet if she wears a bridal gown, or a 

4. corsage. Going-away corsage may be the heart of the bridal bouquet, or
supplied separately) 

So according to the above list, the bride's family carried the bulk of the expenses and if it was a huge affair that could mean alot of money. However, today  a lot of people are not adhering to the old  traditions of wedding exprense protocol because many parents simply cannot afford the expense of paying for a wedding so more and more of that responsibility is taken care of by the bride and groom themselves, but that is still not an excuse to expect one's friends and family to foot the bill and if you cannot afford the wedding of your dreams, you can either  pospone your wedding until you can save for the wedding you want or cut expenses. Rent a wedding dress or make your own, forego the entire ceremony and just get married at the justice of the peace or city hall and have a nice lunch at a diner afterwards or cook your own food or have a  potluck at your home or the home of a friend/family member willing to host, have a cake reception where just wedding cake and light refreshments are served, but asking fieinds and family to chip in for anything is a NO-NO. According to weddingcost.com, the average wedding today costs about $25,000, almost 50% of which is spent on the food and the reception. So if you still want to have the whole wedding experience, cut some people from the reception list. Some may be disappointed but to have the event you want, you will have to make sacrifices.

Maura Graber Etiquette Consultant for over 25 years, founder of the RSVP Institute of Etiquette and creator of the blog, Etiquipedia had this to say in regards to her own wedding:

"You are not obliged to invite anyone to anything, you invite how many you can invite and that is it. Many of my husband's employees consider themselves "family" and were mad they were not invited to our wedding.  They said, "But I'm "family"!  We could only invite a certain number of people.   We were getting married in the house and having the reception there. We had to set a number and stick with it.  We let others know we were truly sorry that we could not include them."

 As all inclusive as some bride and grooms may want to be, they will have to stay within their means to make it work and that is all there is to it. I saw one of the crowdfunding websites set up just for engaged couples and they posted several  "success" stories of couples that were able to raise the money they wanted (not needed) for their wedding and/or honeymoon. The amounts ranged from $2,000-$25,000. While they may have been "successful" at raising the funds, they were even more successful at promoting the cause of our "entitlement" oriented culture that says, "If I want it, I should have it, even if I have to get others to pay for it," and that is not a good thing.

I believe the wise thing to do is leave crowdfunding  endeavors to the start-ups and filmmakers and make sure your wedding guests have a good time at your celebration on your dime, not theirs.